Acceptance lies at the heart of mindfulness. To be mindful means to accept this present moment just as it is. And it means to accept yourself, just as you are now. It doesn’t mean resignation or giving up. But it does mean acknowledging the truth of how things are currently before trying to change anything.

Here’s an example of accepting what you cannot change. Suppose you are not paying attention and hit a curb while driving blowing out your tire. Now you must spend $500 to buy a new tire and wheel. You are angry with yourself. As soon as you accept that this happened, you can move forward and try to deal with the situation. 

If you don’t accept the situation it can lead to you carrying your anger around that can adversely affect relationships and future experiences. Instead, you can accept the situation, learn from your mistakes, and move on. Acceptance actually leads to change as you become a more attentive driver.

Personal acceptance is even more powerful. Self-acceptance is embracing all facets of yourself—your weaknesses, aspects of yourself you don’t like and those you do. When you accept yourself, you cut down on energy-draining self-criticism. You’re then much better able to enjoy your successes and acknowledge your shortcomings. Through self-acceptance, you can create a clarity of mind that allows you to work on those aspects of yourself you wish to improve. The starting point of self-improvement and personal development is self-acceptance.

Activity: Accept what you cannot change

Think about three situations that occurred recently in which you struggled to accept what happened. 

• What did you have control over and what did you not?
• If you could accept what happened, how would your experience be different? 

If you could use some help accepting what you cannot change and would like to explore this topic in therapy, please contact me. I would be happy to talk with you about how my approach to therapy can help.